Chapter 12: Carter

Carter:

When I started dating Katie at the end of our sophomore year, I had just gotten my driver’s license. She on the other hand wouldn’t have hers until later that same  summer. So, I served as her chauffer. This led to me drive her to the mall, to get her nails done, to see a movie; wherever her mom wouldn’t drive her or assumed I would take her instead. In the beginning it was anything to spend time with her and pamper her. But I’m not wired that way and after a while I just asked her to come to my house or suggested we stayed at hers. All the warning signs were there of a high maintenance, needy girlfriend, but how was I supposed to know since I had nothing to compare it to.

My phone vibrated and it showed that Karsyn played a word. “Sharing.” Since the last party at my house, Karsyn and I have been spending all of our non-athletic waking moments together. Unfortunately, the girls lost their final match of sectional volleyball before the state tournament, which opened up Karsyn’s schedule before basketball season starts. Like a lot of couples, we settled into daily routine. With Katie it felt forced; like I had to be on my toes. With Karsyn it is natural because it is. We still ride to school together every day, we still eat lunch together, and because we have a lot of the same classes, we did homework together. She knows what it takes to be a student and an athlete. She also knows what goes into training and preparing for playing at the state level.

Tomorrow afternoon we are leaving to play for a state football championship. Our game is Thursday evening and coach had us slotted for a walk-through on Wednesday afternoon. My last practice on this field, I thought slamming my locker for the last time after practice. Instead of heading to my truck I went back out to the field and sat on the side-line bench.

“Hey man what are you doing here still?” Jackson said heading toward me, backpack thrown over one shoulder.

“Not ready to leave yet,” I said moving my bag off theside-line bench so he could sit next to me.

“Me neither,” he replied sitting down and stretching his long legs in front of him. Jackson and I have been playing this game together since our flag-football days. As we moved into tackle-football with football pads always too big for us or popping out from our jersey’s our friendship solidified. I grew to be 6’4 and on the thin side, he filled out his frame and then some. That is where our world’s separate. My dad, despite his recent fall from grace on parent’s night, never missed a game, where I don’t think Jackson even knows who his dad is. Over the years his mom has had some “daddy stand-ins” and produced two younger brothers for Jackson to watch over. He’s the man of his family with a mom who comes and goes like a teenager.

“My head was not in practice today. I have to get it together,” I said staring up at the rows of bleachers that sit empty. Flashes of Friday nights from the past roll through my head and it is no wonder folks get caught up in the glory of high school football. It’s the smell in the air starting in August that gets the blood pumping and the dream of a championship started. The temperature has dropped but I am so charged I don’t feel the chill. It is one week until Thanksgiving.

“So what’s really the deal?” Jackson asked pulling on his West Foster football sweatshirt. The way he said these very words to me made me wonder what was going on with him too.

“My dad.”

“Is he coming down for the game? Have you asked him?”

“The last time I talked to him was two weeks ago when I picked his butt up from the bar after our party at my house. I’m sure everyone in town is congratulating him and he is drinking free beer in honor of my achievements, but he has yet to say anything to me.”

Jackson picked up a stray football left behind by one of our kickers and put his fingers on the laces. Palming the football, he slapped the bottom of it against his opposite palm. “And things with Karsyn,” a sly smile spred across his face, “are going well I take it. Man, how did you just score the hottest chick in school? The question should be ‘how did any of not realize she is the hottest chick in school?’ “

A warm feeling started to fill my chest as I picture her piercing green eyes and her hair haphazardly piled on top of her hair, not even caring how she looks even though she is gorgeous. I stood up and walked out the field so Jackson could throw me the ball. “Man, three weeks ago, she was my best friend and volleyball player extrodinaire. How many times did I look at her and just see her as the girl who had her locker next to mine in middle school. She’s good for me, and we like spending time together like we always have.” I catch Jackson’s throw which has some zip on it and leave a bit of a sting on my hand. Must be the cold air. I throw it back to him as a perfect spiral. The look on his face is unreadable. After a few more throws and minutes of silence I asked, “So what did I say wrong?”

“Please don’t screw over Karsyn,” he said stopping our game of catch and moving toward me. “You are probably too dumb to realize that this girl,” he sighed, “has always been the one to take your side on anything even when you are wrong. She defends you, keeps you sane, watches over your mom, puts up with your mood swings, and saw you through the worst break up known to man and all you have to say is you enjoy spending time with her. I love that girl like a sister and so does Morgan. If you just enjoy your time with her, then you should’ve kept being friends.”

“That Saturday night sitting like we always have, watching the same bonfire we always have, something in me broke. You know man,” I shove the ball forward into his gut and spun and started walking towards my things to leave,” it’s like you and Morgan. I want that and I was too stupid to see that I already did with Karsyn until I kissed her. ”

“Carter stop,” Jackson said still trying to catch his breath from the ball sucker punching him in the stomach. “You aren’t the only one who has issues going on with your family and girlfriend.”

Stopping dead in my tracks, I didn’t realize I was holding my breath and I exhaled noisily. Jackson isn’t usually much of a talker and when he calls me out like this it is serious.
“I partly wanted to talk to you, to warn you of Katie. She is looking to destroy you. The way she stomped around school and pouted all day. It’s highly unlikely you noticed and it has been eight months since you guys have been together.” He pulled the straps of his backpack tighter and fingered the ends of them. “My mom took off yesterday with her newest boyfriend of the week.”

“Like on a vacation? A trip?”

“Nope, screamed at me for being worthless like my father and then took off with her boyfriend on his motorcycle. The neighbor said she’d watch the boys while I was at practice at night, but otherwise we are on our own.”

“Did you call the police?” I asked not sure what to say. Everything in my life sounded so trivial and my complaining so immature compared to Jackson’s reality. Mine was high school drama. Jackson’s was reality slapping the face of a guy who is barely 18 and now in charge of two young boys and a house.

“Can’t,” tears welled in his eyes. “I can’t let those two boys go with strangers in the foster care system.” Suddenly aware that his secret was out, Jackson retreated back into himself and started picking at the laces of the football.

“Let me talk with my mom,” I hardly had the words out of my mouth when Jackson snapped back, “NO!”

He ran his hand through his hair, “No, you can’t say anything. She could be on her way back now.”

“Well we have to do something.”

“Carter, don’t you get it. I fly under the radar. Good student, good athlete, oh yeah, from the trailer park. I don’t want to be stereotyped or for people to know. We have a PO Box so I don’t have to give out a Lot number for mail. I offer to meet people places so they don’t have to come get me. Some of our closest friends don’t even know that my brothers and I don’t share dads or that my mom can’t hold down a job. They don’t know that we get free breakfast and lunch and for the most part those are our meals for the day.” Jackson was out of breath and with every declaration he squeezed the football tighter. “I have a 3.97 GPA, that is going to get me out of here, but not now. That won’t matter when I am applying at the window factory for $8.50 per hour so that I can make sure my brothers don’t have to work their way through the foster system. I was delusional to think that I had a chance to get out of this life, but it’s mine and I have to own it.”
“Let me talk with my mom. Before I was born she used to take in foster kids. She might know someone who could keep the boys together. If not, then we will figure it out together.”

“Thanks man, just keep it on the down low. I gotta go get my brothers. It’s late and I don’t want to ruin the set-up I’ve got with the neighbors.”

I slumped down onto the bench where Jackson first found me and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I swiped my finger across the screen and saw that I had two messages. One from my mom letting me know that she made hotel arrangements for Wednesday and Thursday night and dad was planning on coming to the game with her. Relief washed over me that my mom had someone to go with, but that brought forth a million other anxieties related to my dad being at the game and the strong possibility that he could be drunk. That on top of the hopes and dreams of this town hungrily wanting a championship, I curse life for dealing Jackson this hand two days before our big game.

The other message was from Karsyn wondering if I needed anything tonight. If I wasn’t in need of a solid night’s sleep, I would jump at the chance. But I don’t think Karsyn wants to hang out with someone who is just going to fall asleep the moment his weary body finds a soft place to land. Tomorrow there will be a pep assembly, and I have to give a speech and then we were on a bus for two hours before our field time later in the evening. Thursday was a big day, and I had to push aside all this crap and do what I had to do. I quickly responded to Karsyn’s message with, “Thanks, but I’m going to pack and get to bed early. I will see you in the morning.” Not quite a blow off but I have known Karsyn long enough to know that she is going to be quietly pissed in the morning.

Once to my truck, I throw my bag in the bed of the truck and it lands with a thud on top of a few empty pop cans and dead leaves. I decide to swing by the mall on the way home and hit up the sporting goods store. It was still a few hours until my mom would get home and I could ask her for advice on Jackson’s situation. Should I tell Karsyn? Does Morgan know? Of course Morgan knows. What if Morgan doesn’t tell Karsyn and I don’t tell Karsyn, is she going to be mad that she couldn’t have helped?

Wandering around in there will empty my mind even though I have nothing to get. I burned nearly an hour and as I approached the main entrance that leads into the hallway that runs the length of the four stores in the strip mall, I spot a familiar face and turn away. Ghosts of girlfriends past: Katie. I curse under my breath and pull my phone out pretending to check for messages hoping she will think I am busy and head out the door.

“Hey,” she says breathlessly, adjusting the four bags she carries. “I am so pumped to watch you in action tomorrow.”

“Hmph,” I reply, my eyes not leaving the screen on my Iphone. “I gotta go, need to get some rest,” and I rush past her knocking her arm and causing her purse to fall off of her shoulder.

“Damn,” she sputtered, “after all this time you actually have nothing to say to me. Well guess what,” she was right behind me now following me to my truck like a rabid fan, “I have been trying to forget you and us, and what I really want is for us to be friends.”

I unlock the truck and search for words to tell her that I can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. “Katie, as always, your timing sucks.”

“I’m sorry,” she said brushing a tear from her eye, and pushing her way in front of the door handle so I can’t make a quick get-away. “Good luck tomorrow. I was just here tonight to get some hand warmers and a stocking cap to keep warm. I know this has always been your dream; a state championship that is…” she trailed off  and put her gloved hand on my arm.

I am full panic-mode. My heart is in my throat and it feels like I can’t breathe. This is exactly how I felt when I saw Katie kissing Ben that night, and even though I am not kissing Katie right now, I know exactly how Karsyn would feel if she saw all of this happening. My eyes are wild and I give Katie a little nudge to move, but she doesn’t. She just keeps her hand on my arm and her eyes locked on me.

“I will see you tomorrow at the pep assembly,” I say and drive out of the parking lost so fast like I don’t want life to catch me.

It was around 9 pm when both mom and I pulled into the driveway at the same time. By then I had a missed call and a few messages from Karsyn along with a Words with Friends play. Way to hit a guy when he is down Karsyn: Impatient. She had no clue how that word held true for 80 percent of life happenings right now.

“Carter honey, it’s so late. Why are you just getting home now?” she brushed some loose strands of brown hair from her face. She opened the mailbox that hung next to the front door and pulled out the mail. Glancing as she shuffled through the stack I saw a few college envelopes with my name on and the rest were fat envelopes with the area hospitals name on them along with others that had our insurance company’s name on them. My mom quickly shoved those to the bottom of the stack and gave me a tight smile.

“Are you going to have a few minutes before you go to bed?” I asked lingering at the base of the stairway entry.

“Of course. You hungry?”

“Yeah a snack would be great,” I followed her up to the kitchen where she pulled some of her home made chocolate chip cookies out of the canister and arranged them on a plate. Then she poured me a glass of ice cold milk just as she has been doing since I was in elementary school and needed to talk. She held the remedy then, and I hope she did now.

“Jackson is having a few issues. His mom,” I stopped mid-chew, “his mom took off.”